Three months ago, I had an anxiety and depression episode. It was so bad that I couldn’t bring myself to work. I also did an irrational thing—I quit a job that was paying me well. I didn’t have any plans in mind nor did I have much savings. And in reality, I couldn’t afford not having a job. On top of that, I’m the sole breadwinner of a family of 3 growing, private-schooled boys. To my surprise, my company was empathetic and offered me three months of paid leave so that I could ‘rest’. I didn’t believe it! But yesterday, the third paycheck was in my account. It has already been three months, but this isn’t the end of my testimony.
The three months was a rollercoaster ride. There was a lot of internal battling. I had to admit that my mental health condition is real—I had to acknowledge it, face it, and understand it. God revealed a lot of me to me—who I am and what it means to follow God. I saw the shallowness of my faith, how surface was my trust, and the doubt that I had. At times, when I felt like I couldn't handle the truth, I stayed away from talking to God. But my circumstances and hopelessness eventually brought me to my knees—each time, allowing me to reflect on why I didn’t run to God. And each time, I am reminded that He is in this with me.
During those months, I was also humbled as a parent. I had no excuse for not having the time to attend a parenting course—something I never believed in—that gave me hope in restoring my relationship with my children. I began to see what kind of a mother I was and what my children had gone through. This change of perspective gave me hope in repairing and growing my relationship with my children.
Last but not least, God heard my desire to build my art business and gave me the past three months to figure things out. The time I had allowed me to not only figure out the technical parts of my business, but also the kind of character required to build it, the kind of person I was, and the kind of person I wanted to be. There is no doubt that my life is in God’s hand.
Those months were a gift from God to rebuke my old ways and restore my path in my walk with Him. He worked on my faith, my character, my words, my thoughts, and renewed my hope and trust in Him. I am still on this journey with Jesus Christ as there’s still a lot of work to be done, but I hope my story will strengthen you in your walk with Jesus too.
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